Today is the final day of our one-week cruise in the Western Caribbean. It is a sea-day, always one of my favorites, and I’m borrowing David’s Apple MacBook to compose this entry. I decided not to bring my computer because I didn’t want to succumb to the temptation of spending too much time in our cabin writing. Since we brought our family with us, I wanted to maximize the time with them. Sort of like emptying the freezer of ice cream when you want to diet, I suppose. 
Right: Morrie & Dawn
Dawn and I are relative newcomers to cruising. I took my first cruise last year, a fantastic trip on the Celebrity Millennium that began in Barcelona and ended in Venice. This year we sailed on the Caribbean Princess—a shorter and less interesting trip, but nice for family socializing. Our group included our four children, Matt, David, Ashley and Tyson, as well as Matt’s wife, Amy, and David’s wife, Melanie. Also on board were my sister, Mary Kaye Gardner, her husband, Terry, and their children and spouses, whose ages are generally the same as ours. All together we numbered sixteen. (The grandchildren were left behind.)
One good thing about a cruise is that it provides an opportunity to have portraits taken. As those of you who are cruise veterans know, photographers set their gear up at various stations around the ship and click away nearly every evening. The sittings are free—you only pay if you decide to purchase. We took the opportunity to have some family photos taken, as well as several individual photos of our children and their spouses, which are scattered throughout this blog entry.
The Thurstons are a game-playing family—something that seems to have been passed down through the generations. I remember playing canasta with my grandmother Ashcroft when I was about twelve years old. I had traveled from our California home to Hyde Park, Utah, to spend a month with my grandparents. We played nearly every day on a card table set up in the parlor.
Left: Ashley
My parents (especially my mother) also loved games and contests of every kind. They went to their bridge nights when I was a young child, and later, when my sisters were old enough to play, we enjoyed card games such as Popeye, Rook and Crazy Eights. There were also the board games (Monopoly and Risk were my favorites) and backyard games of table tennis and shuffleboard. When cousins visited we would play Sardines or Hide and Seek (and others my sisters would surely remember).
On our cruise we entered several of the trivia contests. It turned out that there were a number of outstanding game players on board and our team won only once—the sports trivia contest. Our victory there, however, was complete and decisive. Matt did the heavy lifting assisted by a some surprising contributions by Afton.
One of the most enjoyable games was the Seinfeld trivia contest. The Gardners finished second and we were close behind. Some of the questions were easy: Q. How does Susan die? A. Licking toxic envelopes.) Some were harder: Q. What did Kramer feed his horse that gave it gas? A. Beefareeno. Some were even harder: Q. What was the name of Kramer’s horse? A. Rusty.
We thought we had won the TV theme song contest with Dave and Melanie leading the way. We got 25 out of a possible 26 points, but some other group had every single answer, an incredible feat. The only one we missed was the theme to “I Spy.”
There was a running karaoke contest throughout the cruise given the absurd name "Princess Pop Star." Five contestants from our group entered: Mary Kaye, Afton, Christian, Tyson and me. 
Tyson sang the Neil Diamond song, “Coming to America” and I sang Billy Joel’s “Piano Man.” Christian Gardner, who sang an Elvis Presley song, made it into the finals.
Right: Tyson (a Princess Pop Star)
Until we took our first cruise together last year, both Dawn and I were concerned that I would find the experience boring. We were used to vacations where we would see a constantly changing countryside as we rolled along in a car, bus or train. The foreign places we’ve visited have featured beautiful scenery or held great historical interest for us—places like England, Scotland, Wales, Norway, France, Austria, Switzerland, Germany and China. We liked the idea of being on the move.
Somewhat to my surprise, however, I have found cruising to be a very pleasant travel alternative. I’m not bored and I love the convenience of having the same room throughout the vacation. Now if we could just control the temptation to overeat . . .
Mary Kay and Terry were also with us on our Mediterranean cruise in September 2006, when Dawn and I celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. MK is the closest of my five sisters to me, age-wise. The Gardners are easy-going, fun traveling companions. The places we visited were places we had always wanted to see—Barcelona, the French Rivera (Nice and Monte Carlo), Florence, Pizza, Rome, the Amalfi Coast, Pompeii, the Greek island of Santorini, Athens, Dubrovnik, and Venice. 
Left: Terry, Mary Kaye, Morrie & Dawn in Barcelona (September 2006)
We stayed extra days at the beginning in Barcelona and at the end in Venice. We had never been to any of these places, so all were stimulating. We took long day-trips in many locations—grueling, but rewarding.
I learned to look forward to the sea days when we could relax onboard the ship. I enjoy digital photography—not only taking pictures, but editing them—and I spent a fair amount of time on sea days in the computer room with Photoshop.
By comparison, our Caribbean cruise wasn’t nearly so interesting. Having survived two melanomas and numerous basal cell carcinomas, I wasn’t interested in spending time in the sun. We visited Princess Cays in the Bahamas, but only long enough to test the Caribbean waters for a few minutes. 
Right: Ashley ziplining in the top of the jungle
We spent a day in Ocho Rios, Jamaica, and all of us (except Dave and Melanie) went on a “canopy adventure” (a series of connected ziplines down the mountain above the jungle canopy). We looked pretty foolish in our harnesses, but I got a photo anyway. I found the Caribbean heat and humidity to be oppressive, but it could have been much worse, and we were mostly in the shade. The aromas of the jungle mixed with the perspiration of the tour participants to provide a pungent experience. There was a fair amount of hiking involved, and when we returned in the late afternoon, we were all exhausted.
The next day we stopped at Grand Cayman in the Cayman Islands. I took that as a “Morrie day” and didn’t even get off the ship. I worked out, got a Swedish massage (my first ever) and a haircut. I mostly relaxed and read for the rest of the day.
The last stop was Cozumel, an island off the coast of Mexico’s Yucatan peninsula. Tyson and I elected to bypass the island and instead took a ferry to the mainland and then a bus tour to the ruins of the Mayan city of Tulum. 
For me, this was the most interesting activity of the trip. I enjoyed recreating in my mind the grandeur of this city when several thousand Mayans lived there. It is the only Mayan city overlooking the sea, and it is magnificent. Our guide, who was of Mayan heritage, dribbled out a few historical facts, but I would have liked a fuller explanation of the people who lived there and the activities they engaged in. I should have researched these things before I came, or at least brought a book about the Mayans with me, but I didn’t. I purchased a thin book outside the ruins, but it wasn’t well written and didn’t satisfy my curiosity.
Above: Matt & Amy
The tour company had scheduled far too much time at Tulum—several hours when ninety minutes would have sufficed. Tyson and I slowly walked around each crumbling stone structure, taking photographs and talking, and then walked back to the shopping area and sat in the shade drinking sodas. Although there were sea breezes that kept the temperature down, we were covered with sweat.
The extra time gave me a good opportunity to visit with Tyson, who, at 28, is our youngest child. Tyson moved to Chicago a couple of years ago, so he is the only member of our family living outside Southern California. I enjoyed catching up on his life and plans. He is a musician—a piano player, guitarist and composer.
Right: Dave & Melanie
Ty recently quit as the keyboardist for the Chicago-based band, “Head of Femur” to concentrate on his own music and is looking to join up with another band. He is also in the process of setting up as a piano teacher. He currently has about eleven students. Since he does not have a piano at home (he shares a house with several roommates), he has to teach in his students’ homes. This limits the number of students he can take, as well as where he can teach. Nevertheless, he earns enough to pay for food and rent while he pursues his musical dream.
Tyson and I also talked about how much different the attitudes of young people today are towards marriage, compared to what they were a generation ago. Dawn and I came from a conservative religious background. We believed (and still do) that marriage and a stable family life are of utmost importance. We did not believe in trial “marriages.” For us, once we decided we loved each other, we wanted to commit to each other. 
Left: Tulum
Marriage was the logical next step. When we made that decision, Dawn was eighteen and I was twenty-two. Both of us were college undergraduates and we knew sacrifices would be necessary. Dawn was prepared to drop out of college to earn money to support us while I attended law school. We also believed in the value of raising children and by the time I graduated from law school, Matt had been born.
In our era, most women didn’t work outside the home—certainly not wives of lawyers—so Dawn could have been content to stay home and raise a family. Instead, after I took a position with Latham & Watkins and we moved back to California, she enrolled at UCLA and got her bachelors degree. Many years later she went back to school again to get a masters degree and now teaches life story writing.
Right: Tyson and Kristin
The path to marriage hasn’t been so straightforward for our children. Both Matt and David were in their thirties when they got married. Ashley and Tyson are still single. Tyson has a girlfriend—Kristin—whom he thinks a lot of. We have met Kristin and were greatly impressed. She is an artist who would like to pursue her dream, much as Tyson would like to pursue his. At the moment, the two dreams seem incompatible with marriage and family, for which I am sorry, even though I understand.
The tour to Tulum was an expensive side trip, but when I returned to the ship I discovered it would have been much cheaper if Dawn had come along. She had made the most of her time in Cozumel, buying everything from jewelry to watches to vanilla.
And now we’re ready to sail home.
When Bob & I went to the Yucatan in May, we went to Chichenitza & Uxmal (both Mayan ruins, & very extensive.) We had a guide at Chichenitza who told us great detail about everything, but was a little hard to understand. I found it very fascinating & would love to go back and see more, but, as you said, maybe researching a little more first!
This blog post is a "twofer"... part travel log, part editorial on the virtues of marriage.
I enjoyed the cruise as well, particularly the time spent with various Thurstons and Gardners. We should do it again in 5 years or so... I'll bone up on my Seinfeld trivia in the meantime. In fact, I issue will issue this dual challenge/guarantee: The Thurstons will not lose a Seinfeld trivia competition to the Gardners ever again!
Because I can’t resist, I’ll offer my thoughts on marriage vs. "trial marriage"...
1.) To me the most important variable is whether a person is mature, responsible, self-aware, authentic, and selfless, (from an individual stand point), and honest with his/her significant other (from a "couple" standpoint). Assuming this variable(s) is in place, the individual will hopefully find the right partner to share his/her life with. The age one gets married, or the length of courtship, and even one's personal moral boundaries prior to marriage, is less a concern.
So, while we can certainly number the real-world or hypothetical cautionary tales that arise out of misbegotten “trial marriages,” we can likewise number the problems that arise out of more “traditional” (nee “old fashioned”) marriages due to immaturity, incompatibility, etc. because of the young ages of the couple, or short length of courtship. One’s age, length of courtship, and former virginal status is little consolation if one chooses the wrong partner and is trapped in a bad marriage, especially if kids are involved.
2.) Of course, the above assumes that marriage (or at a minimum, a committed relationship) is the ultimate or best "state of being" for adults. There are certainly exceptions, but most of the literature I've read on this subject (and my own limited anecdotal evidence) seems to support this conclusion.
3.) Regarding the right “time” (i.e. right “age,” or right stage in one’s life) to get married, I would say there is no right time. (The same could be said regarding timing for having children.) School, career, and financial stability are important considerations, but are usually never perfectly aligned. So while one could certainly argue that some times are better than other times, it all becomes somewhat beside the point if one meets or falls in love with the right partner. Then, school/work/financial-considerations be damned, one will get married, or enter into a trial marriage, regardless of other circumstances. And this, no doubt, is the rub of your argument… that it is better to make that ultimate marriage commitment than to hedge one’s bet with a “trial” period. I would probably punt and say there is no “better” only “different,” and that exceptions are the rule.
By the way, as for the disparate paths towards marriage the Thurston kids have taken, I suppose it is technically accurate to say that I got married in my “thirties,” though such a statement, at least to me, calls to mind a seasoned bachelor around the age of 35, give or take a year or two. In fact, I was just a few scant months—three to be exact—north of my 30th birthday when I tied the proverbial knot.
I’m glad I waited until the “ripe” old age of 30 to get married because it worked out for me, but I probably would have also been just as glad/happy if I’d married a Sunny Hills High School grad and BYU freshman at age 22 (like you), or a DePaul grad at age 26. If one’s head is screwed on right, I believe there are many ways to write a successful life script.
Actually, the "twofer" I intended was part travelog and part personal history. Almost everything was put in the past tense to describe the way we saw things when we got married.
We still do believe that marriage and family are important, of course, but I didn't intend to editorialize or pass judgment on anyone else's trial marriage when I said, "We did not believe in trial 'marriages.' For us, once we decided we loved each other, we wanted to commit to each other."
This was intended merely to describe our state of mind about our relationship when we got married. This is actually a good comment to illustrate the point that good memoirs should honestly express the writer's feelings and emotions while not being overtly judgmental in nature. I hope my comments will be construed as merely expressing how we felt and not as suggesting that everyone else needs to feel the same.
I agree that the most important factor in making a marriage work is the maturity and dedication of the marriage partners. We could discuss whether one's behavior prior to marriage could have a positive or deleterious effect on a marriage, but there are probably better forums than this in which to do so.